The CBS Mute Button Factor

Ok golfers, is it just me or has golf coverage become a withering exercise in faux charm and thinly veiled egomania? It's killing me, people. Today is a good example. I got a text message the minute after Jim Nance signed off for the day from my former law school roommate, whom I will call "Matt the Appeals Court Attorney". Matt the Appeals Court Attorney wanted to know if I had watched the tournament. I did not know how to answer. Technically, I had watched it, but I had the mute button on so frequently that I really felt like I had missed it. I saw a few putts go in, and Tiger seemed to be striping it right through the rain, but losing the audio on a tourney just takes a lot of the starch out of it. But one more Saturday of listening to the phalanx of talking heads talk over each other, trying to outwit one another (and failing), and filling what should be peaceful airtime with absurdities is more than I could handle. And Kelly Tilghman...well, she is exceedingly polite, but is not going to be confused for Keith Jackson or Mean Gene Okerlund anytime soon. What she lacks in native charisma, she makes up with in her earnestness, but that won't carry a broadcast. And for reasons I will never grasp, the CBS/Golf Channel media braintrust has Faldo on a short leash. McCord they will let humiliate himself in an endless loop of failed satirical babble, and Feherty has all of the predictability of a suitcase nuke with low self-esteem, but Faldo is tasked with being the straight man, the analyst's analyst, if you will.

As a six time Major championship winner, I think they have the bar set pretty high for him, and have presented him as dignified golf librarian. But that is not who Faldo is. He was a great champion, but he was an introverted and brushy player who did not suffer fools wisely. When he played, he disappeared into a quasi-conscious state that had all of the breezy charm of a dark hospital hallway. As a result, he needed to decompress AFTER he played, and has one of the more famous wits in the game. You will recall that this is the man who after winning the British Open in 1992 said he "...thanked the press from the heart of his bottom". The man knows funny, which is part of the reason his ascension to media dominance was so meteoric. He is wry, he knows when to be wry, and knows when to focus on golf. Sadly, Faldo is lost in this unchecked media menagerie and is like a piece of Prime Rib hidden under piles of pork rinds and plain yogurt; if you want one, you have to deal with the other.

So to Matt the Appeals Court Attorney and to the rest of you golf fans out there, I am going to apologize in advance if I actually miss anything worth hearing. Until I can find a way to tune out the inane chatter among the rational dialogue, the mute button is going to be fully operational. Let me know if I miss anything good.

Until then, if it's not Gofl Blog, then it's just plain gofl.

SC