Tour Saves Own Skin by Reacting Wisely

And in related news, Hell froze over.

Imagine the shock I endured when I read today that the PGA Tour has no intention of fining Tiger Woods. According to Tiger, and later confirmed by Tour spokesperson Ty Votaw, the report anonymously leaked from a Tour insider was "erroneous". Perhaps, but it seems much more likely that someone within the Tour blew a gasket after Tiger hung a bulls-eye on European referee and resident nitwit, John Paramor, and made loud noises about exacting some calculated retribution. That notion, presumably, flew out of the window faster than a scalded 3 iron the very minute it occurred to anyone at the PGA Tour that it was arguably the worst idea in recorded history. Nothing says "Let's alienate the most famous and influential athlete since Muhammad Ali" like giving a small fine to Tiger Woods for telling the truth. And to make matters worse, his fans and fans of referee restraint worldwide were screaming bloody murder as soon as the "erroneous" story hit the coconut wireless. The Tour, in other words, had an utterly untenable public relations China Syndrome on their hands, and it is to the great credit of whichever shotcaller over there that killed the story in its tracks. Tiger Woods, they say, will receive no fine. No more comments and no more questions. If nothing else, the Tour showed a remarkable sense of restraint in their self-preserving retreat. Also, they did not bury poor John Paramor, who in spite of his meritless enforcement of the pace of play rules, is a fine enough official to preside over two Tours. Although I would have preferred to hear the Tour make a distinction between slow play and the deliberate play of a final pairing in a Sunday fight to the death, their silence on the issue says plenty: Paramor unnecessarily broadened his role to affect the outcome of the game, and you will never see that happen again.

Just watch. If Tiger is put on the clock again on a Sunday afternoon, we will all be very, very old people.

I think there is a larger message that many of us can take away from this is incident that spans not just the world of sport, but civilized culture generally: Fruitless adherence to a rule when it has no proper application and serves only to be a yardstick of consistency is the mark of an unevolved species. If we are so unanalytical and stupid while presiding as the most dominant biological force in the known universe as to be unable to restrict our own bureaucratic urges, then we are a doomed race. Even a middling intellect with common street sense could tell you that Paramor momentarily lost sight of the events unfolding in front of him. When we lose our most basic understanding that people are flawed, laws are flawed, governments are flawed, and sports are flawed, and mindlessly "go by the book" as our only form of recourse, we have simply thrown in the towel and admitted that we are a bunch of unoriginal bastards with no ability to think on our feet. I am sure you have all, at least once in your lives, been driving down a highway that is marked with a 75 MPH sign, and then, for reasons that are entirely unclear and surely based on county jurisdiction, the limit drops to 55 MPH for about two miles. The road and the geography have not changed, although the local lawmaking body was granted sovereignty from state speed limits, so 55 MPH is the law of the land through the two mile stretch in Lickspittle, Arkansas. And guess who is there to greet you in that two mile stretch? No, not the Shriners. It's the local constabulary, ready to ring you up for doing 20 MPH over the posted limit. Fair? No. But it's the law, and some people just can't help hanging their hats on written words on a piece of paper, above and beyond any rational, civilized code of conduct. It's depressing to even think about, and that is exactly why the issue from last weekend garnered so much vitriol.

So to all of my friends, fellow golfers and fellow golf fans, I say let us hearken back to the wise words from a movie from a simpler time, "The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training". All they wanted was a chance to play in the Astrodome, and were not going to be allowed to due to a bothersome rules violation. Do you remember what the crowd chanted? Of course you do!

Let them play! Let them play! Let them play!

And that is what this is all about, really, for you, and me, and Tiger, and every other person that is just trying to make it from point A to point B. Just let us play. We are just trying to do the best we can, and don't need unfair and inapplicable rules being shoved in our faces every time the wheels on our wagon get a little loose. So please back off, give us a second to focus, and let us play. God knows life is hard enough as it is.

And remember, if it isn't Gofl Blog, then it's just plain gofl.

SC