In a move signifying that the PGA Tour has finally made peace with its anachronistic and marginally functional set of rules, it has levied an undisclosed fine on Tiger Woods for his comments criticizing European Tour referee, John Paramor. During Sunday's final pairing slugfest between multiple Major winner Padraig Harrington and living golf Deity Tiger Woods, the referee inexplicably alerted the group that they were behind schedule and were "put on the clock". This is an extreme example of adhering to the letter of the law with no observation to its spirit. Meant to keep slow players from disturbing the normal flow of play for other competitors, the pace of play clock had absolutely no relevance in Sundays classic battle between two of golf's best heavyweights. As the final pairing on the course, all that was needed of Tour officials was to watch and enjoy the type of Sunday back nine that advertisers dream of. Apparently taking his cues from NCAA PAC-10 football referees, resident putz John Paramor decided that the true mandate for any rules official is to change the outcome of the game, and not to officiate it prudently.
And that is exactly what happened. Anyone who plays golf can tell you that being rushed is the first and best way to ruin a shot, if not an entire round. Padraig Harrington and Tiger Woods were holding up no one, and were clearly treating the world to a thrilling display of match play championship golf. CBS would have gladly stayed on the air an extra ten minutes to conclude a cliffhanger if it were to come to that. Nothing stood to be gained by pressing the players. No one was going to miss work on a Sunday afternoon if the tournament lasted an extra 15 minutes. The world would continue to turn, the grass would continue to grow, and the sun would continue to shine. All John Paramor did was give a convincing example of why, yet again, the Tour has an antiquated and stubborn set of rules that represents the more irritating and futile aspects of the human condition. And leave it to a grown man who actually calls himself "Slugger" to be the self-satisfied and sanctimonious pillar of this condition. Enforcing a rule when no one, particularly the people it was designed to protect, stands to gain is a frustrating exercise in pointlessness. Tiger was right to point out the responsible party, and was right to criticize the ruling. What the PGA Tour is doing in this instance is identical to what they tried to do to the severely handicapped Stanford golfer, Casey Martin, a decade ago: enforce a rule because it is in writing, and not because it serves a purpose. It is this type of pointless boobery that makes teenagers dislike school Principals.
The Tour and all of its white shoe phonies would be right back to 1996 without Tiger Woods, with Tom Lehman as the daunting World Number One, and with marquee players the likes of John Huston, Jim Gallagher Jr., and Mark Brooks causing remote controls everywhere to go into the "off" position. The world would quickly forget about golf and go right back to its soccer riots and the Six Nations Rugby tournament. Guys like Glen Day and Tim Petrovich would make about $200,000 a year (on a good year) and would be glad to get it. The Nationwide Tour would be a glorified Beer and BBQ circuit. Caddies would again be culled from carefully reviewed groups of power drinkers, ex-cons, and former roadies for Foghat. Galleries would not scream "Go in the hole!" on every shot anymore, because those that actually did attend, and they would be few, would mostly be curious homeowners in the neighborhood, club members of the course, or kindly retirees in baby blue sans-a-belt pants with little boats embroidered on them. A golf world without Tiger is a dystopian nightmare of uninspiring country club elitists, boring technicians, and self-involved businessmen like Tim Finchem. Love Tiger or hate Tiger, the Tour should check its massive ego at the door and give credit where credit is due. If it was not for Tiger, John Paramor, Slugger White, and Tim Finchem would all be working for 10x less, and no one would have ever heard their names. Just as in 1996, they would all be punchlines for sportswriters, and we return to a world in which golf was seen as a mostly harmless gathering of people too nerdy and too uncreative to play Dungeons and Dragons.
Today's biggest losers in golf: John Paramor, Slugger White, and Tim Finchem.
Give 'em Hell, Tiger!
And remember, if isn't Gofl Blog, then it's just plain gofl.
SC
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment